I had a conversation with my kid, a 13-year-old American, and she said why her Japanese friend said that way about all that. They are in the same class and are friends each other. I have seen her and her mom once the other day. They were shy people but they were very nice and decent.
But anyways, here's the conversation between the two teenage girls:
My daughter: "It's great you are always taking a highest score at the quiz every time."
Her Japanese friend: "No, I' m not good...!"
My daughter: "Can you tell me how you are studying everyday? Seriously, I am studying too but I don't think I'm getting much better."
Her Japanese friend: "I'm not good, either.... I don't even study at all, you know."
My daughter (In her head): [She is actually very good. Why does she say that...?]
I explained to her it was not because she didn't like you or she was mean, but just because she didn't want to stand out. It's a cultural thing.
I have found an interesting video post on YouTube (I have put it up on the bottom of the post) that is dealing with a similar topic. Look at the place where he's acting two different sets of conversations over their kids. The American parent brags about his kid, while the Japanese says his kid is extremely stupid.
The Japanese have a tendency that they don't want to be distinctly different from others. Even on the Internet, they are extremely negative about showing their names and faces. This is because they have a group-oriented culture. Extending it further, this can create a situation that if there's someone standing out, other people will tell about him or her behind the back. They don't tell it directly to the person who stands out even if there is anything to say. They don't do that because by doing it, he or she will have to stand out and become a target of being told by some others.
They are pretty much sensitive about that ever since they were born. Their "being humble" comes from that cultural background. - And the same thing is true with the case of the conversation between my daughter and her friend.
But it doesn't mean they are always "humble". None of us can stand the situation where we have to deny ourselves for eternity. I hear people bragging about purchasing a very rare baseball player item, or having been to New York or San Francisco to go shopping. - Anyone wants to appear different. That's why people put on nice watches, clothes with cool hair style. They expect others to talk about it behind their back. And this will satisfy their desire of appearing different.
But don't say, "That's a cool watch! Where did you buy it?" They would only say, "I forgot." - They don't like to clarify a thing because it means you will have to stand out. They want to be different but it is not what their community expects them to be. They don't expect others to stand out. - There is always a gap between what they have in their mind and what they say or behave.
On this YouTube video, by the way, he was acting a guy on a job interview, saying he is not good at anything. The Japanese don't do that way. They are taught to be different in that situation. They are taught or trained to "show off what you can do" or "show even bigger than you really are." - This is a moment they will switch to another mode of attitude.
This switch of attitude explains why election campaign cars run with loud voices, yelling, "I am here to ask you for a vote! This is my last day to ask you!" Candidates stand up in front of a station to loudly address their speech: "I'm so sorry to bother you during this busy morning time!! I'm here to ask you for a vote!!" Or if you go out on streets or stores, you will also see shop clerks yelling at passersby. - These are all cultural things and are publicly allowed. That's why they do these unusual things, and they will be switched back to their normal state once they are out of it.
My family and I have discussed this kind of issue all the time. I hope my 13-year-old will learn more and be better than I am. - I remembered as a highschool student I read "The Japanese Today" by Edwin O. Reischauer and I was pretty much impressed by it. I truly wish she might want to read this book when she became a highschool student or something. We might be able to discuss what have been changed about the Japanese, as well as what have been just the same since the time I read this book.
This guy's explanation is really good. I love that. It's even funny.
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